Don't knock masturbation — it's sex with someone I love.  - Woody Allen

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. - Tom Clancy

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. - Rodney Dangerfield

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL.  - Lynn Lavner

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. - Jack Nicholson

According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful. - Robert De Niro

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.  - Jerry Seinfeld

You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither. - Steve Martin

Did you ever notice the people who are most adamantly against abortions are people you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place?  - George Carlin

When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows. - Frederike Ryder